No Guilt Summer is presented by Just Cakes Bakeshop. JCB is a Food Network winning bakery based right here in Surrey, BC. They aim to create a culture of appreciation around desserts & pastries, while evoking emotion and memories through the power of sweet treats. Their Just Jars are my guilty pleasure (Reese’s one to be exact!) and exactly what I’ll be munching on guilt free all throughout my No Guilt Summer. Visit their website www.justcakesbc.com or check them out on Instagram @justcakesbakeshop
Calling all #cutiegirls. Raise your hand if you’ve ever done one or more of the following:
- Sent the men in your life into the liquor store for you so that you didn’t run into an uncle while buying your booze
- Driven to the farthest possible liquor store in your city or neighbourhood so that you didn’t run into an uncle while buying your booze
- Scanned the liquor store parking lot for uncles you know multiple times before heading in and then scanning the inside of the liquor store for uncles you know before picking up your booze
- Used only cash to pay for your liquor so that there is absolutely no paper trail of you ever using your credit or debit cards to buy booze
- Taken reusable bags to the liquor store so that no plastic bags with the word “liquor store” were found around you
If this was a lottery, I’d win because I’ve done all 5 out of 5 of these. A trip to the liquor store has always been one of the most guilt-inducing experiences of my life. Anytime I go into a liquor store, I’m walking in with panic. I always feel that as a young brown woman in her 20s, I stick out like a sore thumb in the local liquor stores.
I don’t know about you, but the liquor store has always felt like a place that’s off-limits. It’s always felt like a place ruled by and occupied by uncles. It’s always felt like a space brown women have no place being inside. While I have no guilt around enjoying a drink, I still hold immense guilt around being in a liquor store.
As brown girls, drinking alcohol is a whole thing. For most of us, we’ve been told “girls who drink are not good” and “good girls don’t drink”. For most of us, we’ve been taught that alcohol is a man’s habit and brown women who drink are characterless and loose. Most of us saw that our dads, brothers, uncles, and guy cousins did all the drinking. And while most of our mummys, grannies, aunties, and girl cousins could’ve really used a drank, the only alcohol they ever got close to was a sip of champagne on New Year’s Eve.
I’ll admit that I’ve had a pretty easy time when it comes to drinking and my parents. Because I’ve always been a naturally curious person, I asked my dad years ago, “what’s so bad about brown women drinking alcohol?”. I’m also a naturally feisty person, so when he answered “that’s just the way it is”, I told him that if I had to see uncles binge drinking uncontrollably without any boundaries my whole life, he wasn’t allowed to be surprised or upset when liquor naturally became a part of my life. Since then, I’ve been able to enjoy fat glasses of red wine at the dinner table, host house parties where I supply the booze, and even make my dad a lovely gin and tonic for both of us to enjoy.
Despite living the dream as a brown girl, I still have such a strong, internalized guilt about the liquor store. I’m still terrified that I will see an uncle and he will think I’m characterless and loose. And I know what you’re thinking: if your dad doesn’t care, why do the uncles? And if your dad doesn’t care, why do you care what the uncles think?
It’s because, sometimes, uncles suck and they’re not going to say, “wow look at that tiny little brown girl buying such a massive bottle of gin.” They’re probably going to say, “what kind of parents must that girl have to have raised a daughter that not only drinks, but so openly comes to places like the liquor store”. I never want to give anyone a chance to question my parents and their values, morals or upbringing. While I’m someone who very much so lives her life with conviction, I still feel guilt around the way my parents may be perceived based on the life choices I’ve made.
And while me and you (yes, you cutie girl) can understand that drinking doesn’t make me a bad girl, or that drinking doesn’t mean I am characterless and loose, most uncles and aunties still haven’t gotten this far. Heck, sometimes the mans we’re dating hasn’t even gotten that far. There’s still such a strong stigma around brown girls and drinking in our community and let’s be real, it’s hard to be the fish that’s swimming upstream in a sea of tequila.
If there’s anything I’ve learned, though, in navigating my guilt around liquor stores, it’s that all the uncles are probably just scared that all the #cutiegirls are coming for them. Perhaps they’re just surprised that we can take our Crown just like them, if not better. Perhaps they’re envious that I can shoot back shots no chase or lime smoother and faster than them. Perhaps they’re jealous that I know 4 different ways to make a drink with Bacardi and they don’t. We might not ever know just what their distaste is rooted in, but I think I’m willing to try and find out.
What I’m not willing to do is to let my entire life be governed by the attitudes and perceptions of others, especially uncles and aunties. I’m not willing to ruin not just my #noguiltsummer, but my #noguiltlife in the name of “what will people think?”. It’s time we started doing what WE think. And I think WE deserve a drink.
Cheers,
Harpo
