Calling all cutie girls! I’ve officially declared summer 2021 our first-ever #noguiltsummer. With just over a month left until it’s officially the best season, I’m challenging myself and my fellow sisters to crack open the hood, check for where guilt still lingers, rip it out, and slam the hood back shut. This month is all about maintenance so that when the temperature starts rising, so do our spirits. I’m curbing all the guilt that has held me back for years and years and I’m going to try my very best to be incredibly unapologetic about it.
For us to get rid of our brown girl guilt, let’s first unpack what it is. Psychology Today defines guilt as the “failure to do something [a person] should have done, or thoughts that [one] think[s] are morally wrong”. Guilt is often described as a self-conscious and self-reflective emotion, one where the focus is mostly on the person feeling the emotion. It’s typically felt during an action (or lack thereof) on a person’s part or when a person acts outside of what is expected of them. Guilt, therefore, is an incredibly personal emotion, one that might be self-induced, but is rooted in something outside of us.
A quick Google Scholar search for “women and guilt” will give one a plethora of articles on the gendered nature of guilt. Google shows us that guilt shows up a ton for women, perhaps more so than men. Examples of articles range from the guilt experienced by infertile mothers, women who engage in pre-marital sex during college, to women who experience guilt for being the initiating force for divorce in their relationship. How and where guilt shows up for women is endless.
How come? And why are so many women in masses over the world experiencing guilt so deeply and so frequently?
In reading the definitions of guilt online, I turn inwards to myself and ask this brown girl, “What is guilt? How, when, where, and why do you feel guilty all the time?” The answers, too, are endless. I experience brown girl guilt anytime I am doing something for myself because I’ve grown up with the notion that I must always serve others before myself. I also experience brown girl guilt anytime I’m doing something that I’ve been taught is wrong, shameful, or disrespectful. My brown girl guilt shows up every time I step out of the confinement of the “good girl” script I’m supposed to follow.
It seems to me, though, that words are unable to do my brown girl guilt justice. Brown girl guilt feels more than just a failure on my part to do something I should have done. It feels more than the thoughts that cross my mind when I’m doing something that has been drilled into my head as wrong. The only thing that brown girl guilt does seem to be is an incredibly visceral, self-conscious emotion– one that makes my stomach churn, my mouth dry, my body tense, and my mind fog. Brown girl guilt is an overpowering, overwhelming, numbing emotion that holds me back from living my best life. It controls and governs my decisions, serving as detours and U-turns and sometimes even dead-ends. Brown girl guilt is me and I am brown girl guilt.
But no more cutie girls!! This summer, I’m giving my brown girl guilt a big middle finger and saying “GTFO betch!!”. This summer, I’m committed to living my best life, and that means a life without the looming guilt I bump into at every turn. #noguiltsummer is a proclamation and a public announcement that this summer, we’re showing up in our full authenticity as ourselves. We’re going to love the shit out of ourselves, taking that heavy burden of everyone’s expectations off our shoulders, and stepping into our power.
This summer, we’re going to take steps towards all that terrifies us, whether they’re baby steps or big, gigantic leaps. Maybe we’ll even take steps towards the things that terrify all those around us. We’re going to put ourselves, our pleasure, our bodies, our joy, our dreams, and our deepest manifestations first.
#noguiltsummer: we’re seeing the cycles end and starting our own damn revolutions.
